Survivor: Aussie planners take US by storm

There’s a special club known as the Mile High Club and if anyone was ever going to join it, short of being arrested on a trans Pacific flight, surely ‘Mile High City’ would be the place to do it.

The recent travels of yours truly to the US Financial Planning Association (FPA) international convention in Denver saw me heading off to see what the Mile High City was all about.

This was part of my prize for Money Management’s Financial Planner of the Year and I am glad to tell you that I and a few other Aussies had an absolute ball.

What a place, what a week, what a hangover.

Denver sits at the foot of the Rocky Mountains, down the road from the famous Aspen Ski area. It’s called the Mile High City because it’s a mile above sea level — so there.

I lobbed in with a couple of days up my sleeve and promptly headed for the nearest watering-hole. Perth to Denver is a long haul and my throat was dry.

Shelby’s Bar on 17th Street is a somewhat seedy establishment that seems to improve in quality as the number of beers consumed increases. By the time I left, it looked remarkably like the Taj Mahal and I had managed to synchronise my biological clock with when I might normally have a beer at home — four o’clock.

Fortunately, my temporary home was a few steps away and after nearly getting run over — some bugger was driving down the wrong side of the road — I managed to call it a night.

It must have been the lower oxygen levels, jet lag, altitude sickness or even a crook shrimp because most of the first day was spent watching The Weather Channel tell me about Hurricane Ivan, with my head closely resembling the animated satellite imagery of the eye of the storm.

Still, it gave me time to think about how I would tackle the conference and I showed up the next day with camera bag and lecture pad in hand — raring to go.

What a spread. The first thing that struck me as being of some interest was the FPA’s current project of suing ASIC’s equivalent in the US, the Securities and Exchange Commission (SEC).

This seemed a novel idea and was basically about a certain group of individuals receiving what amounts to a ‘carve out’ from new legislation designed to provide appropriate advice. Sound familiar?

The president of the US FPA, after giving a stirring speech about where things were headed, suggested we should all dip our hands in our pockets to help fund the litigation.

At this stage, I and most of the other delegates stampeded the exits. As Aussie financial planners who had lived through the odd fund manager presentation with a limited buffet breakfast on offer, we knew how to fight our way to the front. Tell ’em we’re from Australia, we know where the beer’s kept, and no, Australia hasn’t been given the all-clear for SARS.

Like Moses in the Red Sea, the way parted before us.

Next thing you know, we’re in the exhibition area. This is apparently where the Americans store all the people that used to be on Baywatch. They now work for universities, mutual funds and software producers and appear at stands looking particularly attractive, helpful and handing out more yo-yos, squeeze balls, beer cosies (poor old Mike Parker from BT WA was taken aback when people immediately looked at his crotch when he asked for a ‘stubby holder’) and more mints and hats than you could poke a stick at.

Technically, the conference was okay, but in all seriousness, we left them for dead in many areas.

While our American cousins certainly know how to make you feel welcome, we can feel quite proud of how our profession has evolved over the past few years.

The only downside to the whole trip was a certain airline.

Some of you may remember the movie The Grinch. The Grinch was an evil, squinting little green creature, whose sole purpose in life was to make everyone else’s miserable. The good news is life after the movies has worked out for the Grinch and he’s now working for a US airline, better known as AA.

One thing about travelling is that you experience so many firsts.

I’ve never sat way down the back next to the dunny before, particularly on a flight where apparently, most of the passengers had a severe case of dysentery.

Nor have I been on an international flight that charged $10 for a beer and ran out of food.

When I asked the Grinch, aka Flight Attendant Brad, how this could be, his proud response was that AA’s capital was $1.50 and I should feel lucky that the plane was even in the air after 9/11.

At that stage, a beer became a medicinal necessity.

Folks, be very careful about selecting airlines in the US — even if you do get a few frequent flyer points. Eight hours of the Grinch is not worth half a trip between Sydney and Maroochydore!