Forget the arches, look for the red W

Westpacis a bank, right? A place where people take their money, leave it there, and then watch as it slowly disappears due to personal withdrawals and of course fees. Right?

Well, apparently Westpac has decided to take a slice out of the fast food market through a new fund. The Westpac Family Restaurant Property Trust owns 36 Hungry Jack’s and KFC family restaurants across Australia.

So why has Westpac grabbed a chunk of the fast food pie?

As legend has it, back in the old days, Westpac was a star player in the fast food industry. Red W, as it was known back then, had franchises all over the globe. It was the quintessential family restaurant: Balloons for parties, kids menus, and the odd hair in the soup.

Then one day Red W found its profits were falling, and falling fast. It looked as though there were new kids in town, the McDonald brothers, Old Mac and Ronald and they had a big yellow M.

The entrance of these brothers, one a farmer and the other a cross dresser, was the downfall of Red W. After the McDonald’s restaurants began offering fries with everything and trade marking things with ‘Mac’ this and ‘Mac’ that, Red W knew it couldn’t compete.

So the group retreated back into the world of banking where it could hide away unnoticed from the harsh glare of the critical Australian public.

Since then the Red W crew have learnt a lot about customer service and marketing and thus the re-emergence under the guise of a property trust.

But it is the innovations they will bring which will set them apart, such as holes in the walls where food is dispensed through a slot by computer or having to wait in massive queues while staff leave for their lunch during your lunch hour.

But the greatest change will be to help those people on diets. If you eat fast food more than five times a month you get charged extra, and if you want to actually find an outlet it means a journey across three suburbs. Bon Appétit.